went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
