i need an iv and a liver transplant
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
