If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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