I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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