If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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