apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
