i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
