just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
