i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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