he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
