I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
