Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
