I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
