drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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