fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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