I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
