That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
