I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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