Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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