god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
