Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
