is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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