Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
