how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize