I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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