Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
