I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
