You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
