if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
