So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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