Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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