Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
