I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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