I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
