I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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