I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
