I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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