there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
