i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
