Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
