Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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