She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
