i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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