OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
