"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
