his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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