I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You were trust falling into bushes
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
