Someone shit on the floor
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I licked your asshole in confidence.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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