if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
