before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
