also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
