Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
