I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
