I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
