Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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