..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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