You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
