I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
