Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
