Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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