My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
