I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
