he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
