Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
