I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
