Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
