I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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