I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
