I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
