can u get pink eye on your cock?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
