wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
