My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Boobs are out for the taking
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
