if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
