i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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