The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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