I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
