I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Its about making memories worth repressing
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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