my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the day after is always just damage control
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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