just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
