There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
