My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
