First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
