I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize