WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
