Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
