i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize