omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
