I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize